I've always been one to think about the future and imagine what it would look like. I had dreams to see the world...and have a good life. These are things I would later learn to be intentions for my path, my life. And each one came true. I've seen many beautiful things in this world...and I have an amazing life. I had a fire in me that wouldn't stop...and I was excited to go and do and be and learn. The fire never died.
Until about 3 years ago. At the time I would have said I made a mistake. I took the wrong path. But looking back...it wasn't the wrong path. It was preparing me for many things. While I can now look back on some of it and see it as a positive...the one thing I never thought I'd loose was my fire. And I lost it. Like it just didn't go to a small hazy coal...it was ashes. Some would say it was emotionally and mentally abusive (it was a job...just to be clear!)...others would say it's normal in corporate america. Call it whatever you want...it killed every ounce of fire in my being. I just stopped caring.
It's been 14 months since I left that job...and honestly...looking back it was preparing me for COVID-19. And here's where I'm at today...
I'm tired of waiting. For someone else to tell me how or what to do. I never waited before...so why am I now?
I'm exhausted by the community energy in the air. So I'm DONE with living in fear, exhaustion and a constant sense of helplessness.
I have to make my life my priority. No-one gets to tell me when to do something, how to act, talk, look or be without my consent.
I believe I am enough.
My body is a temple...and while I've had my moments of diets and fads and whatever else was out there...I've learned through yoga to accept who I am. I choose to be healthy. To override the feelings of tiredness and lethargy. I had just come to a point of taking care of myself in the right ways again a month before COVID-19 shut us down. All that went out the window because I had a business to sustain and hopefully survive. And while I still want those things for our community, it no longer comes at the sacrifice of myself. No-one asked me to do it...I just did. Why? Because it's been programmed into my brain. I'm still giving 100% to sustain this beautiful community, but it looks different now.
I'm ready for more. Going from mock 10 to mock 3 is amazing! But you realize there is some balance in maybe getting to Mock 6 or 7.
I'm not done sharing my skills with the world. Yoga is a huge part of my life...and always will be. But I also realize there is balance in using all the skills you have...and how tired the world can become when you don't know your purpose anymore.
I'm ready to be part of society again. I've taken roles that took me away from things...and even isolated myself in the process. It's time to stop and open the doors to new relationships.
Community is the most powerful thing we can have in our lives. My goal is to enhance this community even more.
In the end, all we have is love. And our greatest love relationship starts with ourselves.
I put my running shoes on again today and listened to a new album. I took it nice and slow...and I saw a reflection of the woman I saw in Australia, Amsterdam, Japan, China, Belgium, London, Italy, France, Africa, India, Thailand, Malaysia, Peru, Brazil and countless other countries. She's strong. She's powerful. And she's here to do amazing things.
Have you lost the fire? Come join us anytime to connect your body back to the mind. Allow yourself to heal. Find the spark that might have died...and even when you don't want to do it...go and do it. Once you start to reconnect you find your life back. It's still there. The dreams are still alive...just waiting for permission to bloom.